Cheating Ramadan?

Each time I think to myself how much I am going to miss these little moments of joy. From the morning coffee on my way to work, to the mints I chew after a quick snack. But most of all I’ll miss smoking. Yes - I said smoking. With all the negative taboo associated with smoking (with good reason I must admit, I am a multiple times failed to quit kind of guy) it’s hard to admit, even to myself, that I will miss going out into the sun and enjoying a smoke. It’s one of those honest to myself moments that rarely ever come. To build on my streak of honestly though I feel a huge amount of guilt every time I smoke. I dont enjoy it as much as I feel like I need it, but that’s a post for another time another place.

During the day of observing my day - I had some philosophical musings. I got thinking about how every taste and sensation is so passing. True they say nostalgia can be kicked in by familiar smells but there is no ‘Taste Bank’ like there is no ‘Sleep Bank’ in the brain so that one can draw on tastes and flavors. I can try to imagine what a juicy steak would taste like but until it’s in front of me on a sizzling hot plate & steaming, I can’t seem to ‘replay’ it from my memory palace. God knows I’ve had steak enough times. Coffee! Everyone intuitively knows what coffee tastes like but I can’t seem to recall the exact sensations,flavors even joy when I have my first cup of coffee or tea in the morning. I’d mention cigarettes here but they just taste bad and there is no romanticizing those cancer sticks.

And so as the day draws to a close, I can try and stuff myself but I know that tomorrow is going to be a long day. All I can do is be patient and remember why I am fasting in the first place and sincerely attempt to make the most of this month.